


Spread Your Wings

by paperballoon



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Canon Era, Children, Depression, Dry Humping, Established Relationship, Family, Hurt/Comfort, Levi answers questions for curious brats, M/M, Manga Spoilers, Post-Canon, Promises, References to Illness, seagulls - Freeform, yes he’s an uncle now
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-05
Updated: 2015-08-05
Packaged: 2018-04-13 03:09:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4505379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paperballoon/pseuds/paperballoon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi tells stories. Mikasa and Jean’s daughter tries to figure out why Levi (almost) never smiles. </p>
<p>Or</p>
<p>“Levi?”</p>
<p>“Yes, Eren?”</p>
<p>“Do you remember what happened right after the coronation?”</p>
<p>Levi narrows his eyes. “Many things happened. What exactly?”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Spread Your Wings

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: unbetaed, grammatical errors, angst, mentions of illness and character death
> 
> In this fic, Mikasa, Jean and their twins (a boy and a girl) live by the ocean. So do Sasha, Connie and their son.

Levi is riding through forests and valleys for a week, until he can’t stand the flecks of mud and dirt crawling all over his clothes and skin. The sun is low in the horizon when the familiar smell hits him. The vast dark blue comes into view, now mixed with a spill of golden light. This sight, every single time, unsettles him. The only witnesses of his hunched shoulders are some white birds startled by his horse, taking flight, their cries now everywhere around him. He always finds them by the ocean.

Finally, Levi sees the two small cottages far in the distance. There is smoke coming out from both chimneys even if it’s just the beginning of autumn. The brats must be cold, he thinks.

 

* * *

 

 

Sasha holds a pile of plates in her arms. Connie helps her carry them into the kitchen. They usually gather at Jean’s and Mikasa’s house for dinner, but every time they eat potatoes, only Sasha and Connie do the dishes. It happens often. It’s an unspoken rule, or so Levi understands.

Levi arrives just after dinner. After greeting the overexcited kids and his former soldiers, he rushes into the bathtub. He changes into clean clothes and sits by the fireplace, where Jean soon joins him on the opposite armchair. Three pairs of eyes watch him in admiration. Levi scowls.

“Go help your parents with the dishes kids, and maybe I’ll tell you a new story later.”

The children, excited, race each other to the kitchen.

Mikasa picks up the rest of the plates and leaves the main room, while Jean’s eyes follow her retreating figure. Levi is staring, as if bored, outside the window. He can feel Jean’s eyes on him. Levi turns his head.

“What is it, Kirstein?”

Before Jean can answer, Mikasa comes back and places a hand on Jean’s shoulder. Children’s laughter can be heard from the kitchen, Sasha’s shouting turns into giggles, Connie shouts ‘Attaaack!’ and something hits the floor with a thud. Levi cringes inside, trying to ignore his thoughts about the state the kitchen must now be in.

“How’s everyone in Sina doing?” Jeans asks.

Levi stirs in his seat, crosses one leg over the other to relieve the pressure on his ankle. “They all send their greetings. Erwin and Hanji are making plans about sending more people out here. Armin’s new book is getting published. Historia asks if you managed to come up with the name for the new capital yet. The bastards in the council keep suggesting shitty things.”

Mikasa’s face darkens. “Historia couldn’t persuade them?”

“She has more important things to do than sit together with pigs and argue about the name of a city.”

Mikasa narrows her eyes, fuming. “This is important for us! Eren gave up everything for humanity, the least they can do is acknowledge it!”

Something changes deep behind Levi’s eyes. His voice is calm, hard like steel. “And naming a pigsty of a city after him will make everything alright, I suppose?”

Jean’s gaze wanders frantically between Levi and Mikasa, the tension thick in the air. It settles on Levi. “The children were asking about you every day.”, he just says.

Levi’s eyes brighten, even if it’s only for a second. “Oh?”

“Mikasa started teaching them how to read and write…”Jean brings his hand on his nape and looks up at her, his gaze full of affection. Levi observes them. The way Jean looks at her. The way Mikasa smiles in return, her fingers fidgeting with the red scarf still wrapped around her neck. Eren would be happy, Levi thinks.

“Yes. They kept asking me for months to read aloud from some of the books about squad formations you left behind.” Mikasa says. “They could not understand many things, but they practiced their reading every day. They will want to show you.”

“They really like you.”

Levi notices that Jean looks at him in a different way as time passes by, a mix of appreciation and reluctance in his eyes, as if he finds something good really hard to believe.

Levi raises a questioning eyebrow.

“Well, it’s just…N-Never mind.”

Mikasa subtly elbows Jean while looking at Levi. Jean rubs at his arm. Mikasa says, “You must be tired from the long journey. There are a few tea leaves left from the last time you visited. Do you want me to boil some water?”

Levi’s nod is appreciative.

Connie returns from the kitchen, huge grin plastered on his face. “Finally, now that Corp-, eh, Levi is here…Sasha!!”

Sasha storms out of the kitchen, steaming potato halves in her hand. The children follow her. Her son clutches at her long skirt, and Sasha picks him up and gives him the biggest half. Levi is impressed. She devours her half and stands next to Connie, smiling.

“We wanted to tell y’all something…” Connie pauses in what he thinks is a melodramatic manner, throwing his hands in the air. He looks at Sasha, who nods. “We’re having a baby!”, he shouts.

Levi isn’t surprised that Sasha and Connie stay the same through the years. He watches as everyone reacts to the good news. After he offers his congratulations to the couple, followed by a ‘goodnight’ and ‘see you guys tomorrow’, he forgets about his tea and steals his way to the shore.

 

* * *

 

 

Levi understood through the years that the sound of the waves hitting the shore is unique and never-ending. It’s calming, somehow. Even now, without the threat of man-eating giants running rampage, he still sleeps far less than normal. He spends a lot of time just walking along the beach.

Everything is dark outside, but the moon provides enough illumination and the stars are more than visible, the purple river on the sky shining bright again. Hanji told him once before the walls came down that the stars would shine brighter in the darkness. Outside the walls. Shitty glasses was right, it seems. He remembers Isabel and Farlan. The first night they had joined the Survey Corps--

“Uncle Levi!”

He turns his head sharply around, eyes gazing coldly at the three brats standing behind him.

“It’s late. What do you kids want?”

He must look intimidating, and he admits that his voice just had a harsh tone, because their eyes seem to grow large. He tries to relax his features into something less than a scowl, but the children are now smiling and looking up expectantly at him.

“Aunt Mikasa says it’s okay. And we want a new story.”

Levi raises an eyebrow. “You brats are half asleep. The story can wait for tomorrow.”

“But we were waiting many months for you to visit…”

“And your stories are always so funny! And cool!”

“Better than the stories from Uncle Armin or Erwin or Hanji!”

“Oh? Is that so?”

“You are the best.”

“Yes! The best uncle in the world!”

Levi tries to recognize this feeling swelling inside, but it’s something foreign, something he isn’t sure if it should exist there in the first place.

“You always bring us many nice things!”

“And books!”

“And you never get angry!”

“And you are the only one that answers all of our questions about Uncle Eren and the titans. Sometimes, mummy will just look away and say, ‘not now’ and daddy always does what mummy tells him.”

“Oi.” Levi’s voice is serious, and the children look up at him in silence. “Your mother…”, Levi gaze shifts to Sasha’s son, “…that’s your aunt for you, loved Ere- your uncle very much. You shouldn’t push her too much. Or any of your parents. They all had to deal with a lot of…things.” Levi pauses. He isn’t sure what exactly he should say, but he remembers one night, years ago, when Levi’s insomnia led him into the mess hall for too early a breakfast. Eren was sitting there alone in the shadows of a candlelight, head buried in his arms, shoulders shaking. But Levi still walked in and Eren lifted his head, startled, eyes red and swollen. “When someone in your family is sad, go and hold their hand. Or hug them. Don’t be afraid. It will remind them that they can be happy, and that you care for them. Am I clear?”

They nod in understanding. “We promise, Uncle Levi.”

“Good.”

“Can you now tell us a new story about Uncle Eren? Please?”

The corner of Levi’s mouth slants downwards.

“Pleeease!”

“Tch. Fine, but don’t sit on the sand. I’m not cleaning anyone’s clothes this time.”

So they walk along the shore, Levi and the three small figures following him with happy steps as he tries his best to filter his mouth and remember things he wants forgotten. He settles for a day more than a decade ago, when Eren had once more succeeded in protecting everyone with his Titan abilities.

 

* * *

 

 

Levi starts walking towards the houses again, because the brats are now yawning too much for him to ignore. Sasha’s son has taken hold of his hand and refuses to let go. (Brats’ hands are full of germs, but Levi reminds himself that this is what Eren wanted. Still, Levi refuses to carry any of them on his shoulders.)

He watches after the children as they go inside. The twins just wave him goodnight and disappear behind the door, while Sasha is waiting for her son at her doorstep, smiling at Levi from the distance.

He walks toward the ocean.

Levi gazes at the stars in a piss-poor attempt to gather his emotions. So much has changed. His ex-soldiers are now mothers and fathers, Hanji is the craziest he has ever seen them planning expedition after expedition, dragging Moblit always along. Erwin started gardening as a hobby (of all things…). He never talks about it, but Levi suspects that he dates somebody now. Armin is a successful researcher and writer. His books about hugeass mountains spitting fire are being taught in schools. They all divide their time between exploring or helping Historia and the military, and the rest if it are long, lazy days spent with the rest of the former 104th at the ocean.

“Uncle Levi! …Uncle Levi?”

Levi blinks. A small hand pulls at the sleeve of his black jacket. He looks down at questioning eyes the same shape as Mikasa’s. Her daughter looks much like her.

“Uncle Levi! Are you okay?”

“Yes. Just…tired. Why aren’t you inside?”

“I told mummy I have something very, very important to ask you.”

Levi raises an eyebrow. “Oh? Then do it, if it’s so important for you.”

She hesitates, as if afraid. However, when she lifts her head, her eyes are determined. There’s a familiar spark inside. “Every time you come to visit, you always look outside the window, like you are thinking about something… And when Uncle Connie tells us funny stories, so funny even mummy laughs, you never smile. You always look so sad…”

Levi’s lips form a thin, tight line.

“Uncle Levi, why are you always so sad?” Her voice is so small.

Levi wants to deny it. (He also wants to ask her why something like an old man’s sadness is important to her. Very, very important.) His scowl deepens. He looks ahead, the horizon of the ocean is dark, the crashing of the waves on the shore is echoing in the darkness around them.

“I have seen too many bad things, kid.”

She hesitates, again. “So bad to make you sad every day?”

“…Sometimes, brat, life gives us some choices we can’t avoid. And we find ourselves facing harsh consequences. We can fight. We can make sacrifices and move on. I did this all my life. But, it is much harder when someone you love suffers because of a really bad outcome. Sometimes, you are powerless.” Levi pauses. He turns his head, meets her confused eyes. “Kids like you don’t have to worry about such things yet. So don’t let it bother you.”

Silence.

Levi is sure whatever his answer was didn’t make much sense. But he was never good at this, explaining things, so why should he be, now? And why must children always ask questions that leave you mentally constipated? His own childhood was abnormal, and if his questions were about the correct way to carry a knife, it was because he knew the answer would be death if he failed. So he supposes it is hard for him to understand.

“…Uncle Levi?”

“…Yes?”

“Can I ask you one more thing?”

“Fine, but after this you’ll go inside and you will _sleep_. Or you’ll fall asleep in your porridge tomorrow, and your mother will be angry with me. So out with it.”

She giggles, finding this funny somehow, but then she asks,

“What was Uncle Eren like?”

Levi turns his head and regards her in silence. He always speaks with the kids about what Eren did, but he never mentions anything about who Eren actually was. Still, it is a question worthy of an answer. Worthy of a thousand answers.

“He was…”

Levi exhales sharply through his nose.

“He was good at cleaning. Not when I first met him, but after I put him on bathroom and stable duty for months, he improved a lot. After a year he could clean my room even better than me, but don’t you dare go and spill that around. Ask me again another time and I’ll tell you more about him.”

In the silence that follows, the sounds of the waves become louder and louder. The weather was bad, this week. Maybe a storm is coming, Levi thinks. Eren was always tossing and turning in his sleep during a thunderstorm. Eren didn’t like the roar of thunder. He told Levi once that it reminded him of a shifters’ transformation. Levi stops the trail of his thoughts and looks up at the stars, the child’s gaze following his.

“Uncle Levi, where do people go after they die?”

Levi lowers his head, turns around, and slowly gets upon one knee in front of her, meeting her eyes.

“No one knows the answer to that question.”

“Not even Aunt Historia or Aunt Ymir?”

“Definitely not your aunt Ymir. Historia may be the queen, but she is human like all of us. There are many questions she can’t answer.”

She looks puzzled. “Maybe they watch over us? From the sky? Like the stars?”

“Maybe they do. As I said, no one knows for sure.” _They are dead, what does it matter?_ , his mind says but he keeps quiet.

“I think Uncle Eren must be happy because the titans are gone and everyone is free. I think he would want for everyone to be happy…”

Levi’s gaze softens. He pats her gently on the head. “Yes. He would…be happy, I am sure.”

She smiles. “How long will you stay with us, Uncle Levi?”

“It depends. A week or two, at most. I have a lot of sh-, serious work to do at the capital. Now go inside, it is too late for brats like you to be up.”

“Can’t you stay a little bit more this time?”

Levi hesitates for a second. “I don’t know yet. I will try… Don’t look at me like that kid, I promise, I will try.”

Before he can react, small arms try to hug his chest, the movement quick and awkward. Levi’s eyes widen a bit, but he stays still, and a small surprised part of him can’t help but whisper that his reflexes are not that sharp anymore. If this was a Titan charging at him, he should have reacted seconds ago. And then he wonders about the kind of world he grew up into, where now being family to someone seems extraordinary, more astonishing than the eradication of the Titans. Sometimes, he still doesn’t perceive it.

This world is free.

And as he gazes up at the night sky a memory comes uninvited; he remembers his first expedition, the gate rising, the blue endless sky, when he looked up and felt the sunlight warm on his face.

His thoughts distract him, but then he sees over her daughter’s shoulder that Mikasa is standing on her doorstep in the distance. When their gazes meet, she smiles. It’s a smile full of…gratitude? Still, she understands and calls her daughter’s name. The small embrace is gone. Mikasa’s daughter quickly turns around and starts walking away.

Levi slowly stands up.

As her small back recedes towards the house, she turns around again.

“Goodnight, Uncle Levi!”

Mikasa and the little one disappear behind the door.

After walking for a while along the shore, he turns back and goes inside. The house is dark. He lights a candle. Now that he is alone, his steps take him there. Mikasa had one of Moblit’s old sketches framed and it now hangs near her fireplace. He lingers a bit in front of a smiling Eren. The glass is cold under his fingertips.

_Eren…_

His eyes burn. He blinks slowly, once, twice. He turns his gaze away.

The house is quiet, and as Levi lays his scarred body on the bed in the guest room built especially for him, he can hear the sounds of the ocean as the wind howls outside. A storm is coming. He is sleepy. The journey on horseback tired him enough to lie down and at least try to catch a few hours of sleep. He is getting old, his back hurts. He gets up and changes into a loose white shirt and underwear. The key in his pocket is cold, as he lays it gently on top of his folded clothing.

 

* * *

* * *

 

8

A few months after humanity’s victory, despite lying in a bed and waiting for the cure to take effect, Eren won’t shut up.

“It will be great... You, me, Mikasa, Armin and the others, we will explore the world and then find a place to settle down. And even that Horseface, I can’t believe Mikasa is marrying him already…but Jean’s deep down a good guy…he loves her. Aaand she’s pregnant. I can’t believe that bastard! I swear, the moment I’ll leave this bed I’ll use his sorry ass to train on my rusty combat skills or something...”

Levi chooses not to comment.

Eren pauses. His smile is dreamy.

“But a child… It would be nice.”

Levi knows, Eren has always been good with kids. He visited Historia’s orphanages and played with them, sometimes between his transforming sessions and missions through the years. Levi visited too, but it was clear that the snotty troubles adored Eren.

Eren grins like a maniac. “And I’ll just sit back and enjoy watching Jean running after his children, freaking out with the slightest scratch on their knees.”

“Oh? They will be Mikasa’s too, you know.”

Eren groans. “I can’t believe Mikasa is going to be a mom. And that makes us their…uncles? We’ll be uncles? What are we going to do?”

_We_. Levi feels something stir inside him, but he just says, “I won’t clean up after their babies’ shit. Gross.”

“You will tell them stories.”

Levi rolls his eyes. “Don’t be stupid.”

“What? You can do it!”

“…Your fever really damaged your brains.”

“It’s not funny! You really can do it!”

 

14

“Jean says they will name the baby Marco if it’s a boy.” Eren smiles. “I think they’ll want lots of kids. Sasha and Connie too. And you’ll have many things to teach them, Levi.”

Levi sighs. “Eren. Not this again.”

“I will make you agree with me someday, you know.”

“With such crappy arguments, like me telling shitty fairytales to toddlers? You won’t persuade anyone.”

Eren’s smile widens. “But Humanity’s Strongest fairytales could never be _shitty_.”

Levi tries to make his gaze ominous. He fails. 

Eren laughs. “All right, that’s enough. But don’t even say you are not good at telling stories, you yourself said once that you talk your share.”

“…I can’t believe you’re remembering this.”

Eren’s expression is suddenly serious. “I am.” But the shadows pass quickly from his eyes, and Eren relaxes. “And your voice is unique. I could listen to you forever.”

Levi wants revenge for the fairytales. “Tch. Where did this even come from? Never mind that my crappy vocabulary is surely a role model for snotty brats…” Levi leans closer, “…this is new. What is so special about my voice, _Eren_?”

Eren blushes. However, his eyes meet Levi’s with a challenge. “Why don’t _you_ tell me?”

Levi smiles, accepting. He gets up from the chair next to Eren’s bed and sits close to him. He fixes some of the pillows behind Eren’s back and then leans to whisper things into Eren’s ear, whose face quickly resembles a beet root.

It took him years, to open up like this for Eren. Or so he always thought. Eren had slipped past Levi’s walls without him noticing at first, and when Levi did notice but still allowed him to come closer, it was in its own way terrifying. Because the world was cruel, and they could both bleed, and the only way they could prevent it was through fighting, so fighting and late night discussions and some kisses was all they ever had.

Until humanity won.

Eren’s arms are now draped over his shoulders, pulling him closer, and Levi lifts his head, stares into Eren’s eyes. It is a silent moment, unspoken words are exchanged. And then Eren’s eyes darken.

Of course. Always persistent.

“Not now, Eren. You are exhausted.”

Eren groans. “You started this, but when the time comes, I ‘ll finish it.”

Levi chuckles. “That was shitty. But I will wait.”

 

23

Levi knows Eren is awake. Levi just sits with crossed legs on his permanent chair next to Eren’s bed. Finally, it is Eren that opens his eyes and sits up, breaking the silence.

“Levi?”

“Yes?”

“Did you speak with Hanji?”

“…I did.”

Eren swallows. He avoids Levi’s gaze. His mouth twists into a deformed smile. “Isn’t it strange…? Of all times… now?”

“Hanji’s theory might be wrong. You-”

“No.”

Levi frowns. He knows, Eren is getting weaker day by day. But…

“Levi.”

Levi’s eyes instantly meet Eren’s huge ones. Levi sees it, it’s concealed, but it’s there. Eren is afraid.

“…I’m sorry.” Eren’s voice is something less than a whisper.

“Eren! Don’t do this.” Levi’s voice sounds strange in his ears. Eren frantically shakes his head in disbelief. “Look at me.”

Eren does. “Ymir is already out there, exploring, we thought I could join them soon, but it’s been weeks Levi, they are all moving on and I’ve been stuck here for _weeks!!_ ” Eren’s fist hits the wall. “And it was _my_ choice, _fuck! Fuck it all!!_ ” Eren’s shout echoes in the room. His breathing is harsh, his features are an ugly grimace, his fists are now clenched, gripping the sheets.

Levi stands up, sits at his side. He gently grasps Eren’s fist, uncurls Eren’s fingers, holds Eren’s hand between his own. Waits until their eyes meet. “No.”

Eren tries to snatch his hand away. Levi tightens his grip. Eren turns his head to face the wall, shields his eyes with his other forearm. Eren’s body is shaking. His nails sink into Levi’s palm, drawing blood, and Levi holds on.

“No.” Levi repeats. “I won’t!--” Levi takes a breath. “I won’t let you do this to yourself.”

 

24

Eren sleeps a lot. Eren’s back is warm, too warm against Levi’s chest. He can feel the abnormal heat through his shirt. Eren’s hair smells nice, even though it’s drenched in sweat. Levi inhales deeply, tightens his arms around Eren’s waist. His eyes burn.

“Levi?”

“Hmm?”

“Take me outside. Beyond the walls.”

 

54

Levi’s hand carefully pushes Eren’s shoulder into the mattress.

“Eren, listen to me… Eren!”

“…What?” Eren’s voice is a croak.

“Eren, you are sick. No getting up, no exterminating anyone.”

Eren opens his mouth, but Levi says, “Do you want some water? Or do you need to take a piss?”

Eren shakes his head. “My mouth tastes like…like something strange.”

Levi just helps Eren sit up. He holds the glass at Eren’s lips, and Eren drinks, and Levi forgets that he has left the window on the left of Eren’s bed wide open. He only realizes when Eren almost chokes. He quickly puts the glass away. Eren’s eyes are wide, his gaze focused on the view over Levi’s shoulder.

No walls. Just endless fields of wheat. The sun is low in the horizon, painting the clouds a deep, cruel orange.

“…Where is this place?” Before Levi has a chance to answer, Eren whispers with an expression of disbelief, “There are no walls…”

“We are outside the walls.”

“What?!”

Eren tries to get up, but he fails. Levi’s reflexes are sharp, so he helps him sit on the bed again. He wraps his arms around Eren. He can feel Eren’s irregular breaths, warm on his neck. His fingers comb through Eren’s hair in a soothing gesture.

“Levi, what- what the fuck is going on?!!”

“Don’t shout. I will explain.” Levi sighs. “…All the Titans are gone.”

Eren is silent. Levi’s fingers continue their work. “Hanji found an abandoned cottage and we moved out here. You ended this, Eren. We are free. Just try to calm down.”

A pause. Levi looks up. Eren’s eyes are wide, unseeing. His fingers linger in Eren’s hair, unmoving.

“Eren…?”

His eyes focus on Levi. “My mind is… hazy. As if I’ve just woken up from a very long dream…”

Levi helps Eren sit on the bed with his back to the wall, so he can stare outside the window. He sits next to him.

“…It’s not that bad, brat.” Eren turns his head and waits for Levi to continue. Levi forces his mind to think. “Your mind is just tired. You have all the time in your life now to take long shits and relax. Don’t worry about it. Give it some time.”

Eren looks confused and disbelieving at first, but then he smiles. Levi’s stiff shoulders drop slightly. Eren turns his head, stares outside the window again. Sunlight falls on his features, but Eren’s face _shines_.

“At least the view is beautiful.”

“…Yes. Yes, it is.”

Levi turns his gaze to the wheat fields. Eren’s shoulder is warm next to his. He lets the stillness settle around them, he feels the light breeze on his face, but still watches Eren’s profile from the corner of his eye. He almost _feels_ the hunger for freedom in Eren’s gaze. Levi stands up, shoves one arm under Eren’s knees, places the other behind his shoulders. Lifts him up. Eren’s body is light. Eren lets out a surprised sound similar to a squeak.

Hanji believes it is better if Eren stays inside, out there he will (maybe) catch a cold, and his body is too weak to fight it. Levi doesn’t give a shit about theories today. Today, Eren is smiling.

“Come on, Eren. The weather’s nice, we’re going outside.”

 

62

“…Levi…!”

“I am not going anywhere.”

 

93

Many things happen, and Levi wants to forget. When all is over, someone, maybe Erwin, places a hand on his shoulder. Levi doesn’t react. He is lost somewhere between the present and the past and in his mind, Levi is once again a puzzled child sobbing loudly into the night, just a dirty brat with empty eyes, always left behind.

 

* * *

 

 

Levi wakes with a start before sunrise, when all is still somewhat dark and hazy around him. He sits up, tries to calm his heartbeat, swipes with his sleeve and then a disgusted grunt the sweat from his brow. He gets up, gets dressed, and makes tea in the kitchen, while ignoring the need to scrub the counter sparkling clean, some remains from last night’s dinner still visible.

He feels like shit. He decides to take a walk in the forest somewhere behind the house.

It rained at night. The sky is a soft grey, covered with clouds. His ankle pains him, again. He still feels like shit. The deeper he walks into the dark woods, the more intense the smells around him.

 

It was a few days after the victory of humanity.

They rode on horseback in the downpour, deep into the countryside, their capes fluttering in the wind, at times with rain running down their faces. They rode until it stopped raining. They were once again alone, away from celebrations, from thin walls and nosy scientists. They stopped at a clearing of a forest near Trost. They talked and talked, and then Eren was leaning forward, and they were kissing. It wasn’t their first kiss. It was their first time being alone, and free.

 

* * *

 

* * *

 

 

Through the years, Eren has grown a good deal taller than Levi, but this doesn’t stop him from manhandling the brat however he wants. So later, Levi has Eren on his back and is hovering above him, the smell of grass and wet soil surrounding them. Eren licks his lips, red and swollen from their kisses, flushed cheeks, bright eyes inviting and half lidded with lust.

Levi is still for a moment. Eren is squirming and trembling underneath him, impulsive as always, seeking friction, his breaths harshly escaping from his lips. His hair is tousled, and there is a blade of grass behind his ear. Levi doesn’t know why, but an odd calmness settles in his chest. His throat feels tight. He looks down at Eren, and he doesn’t want this, but his voice is hoarse when he says,

“Do you know how important you are to me?”

Eren’s movements cease. He is surprised. “Levi?”

Levi frowns. He tries to explain. “I am not sure of anything. Not anymore. We might still die tomorrow for all I know. Or someday. Tch. No, this is shitty. That’s not what I wanted to say.” Levi sighs. “I want to stay with you.” He brings a hand to rest on Eren’s cheek, drags his thumb slowly across Eren’s cheekbone. Feels Eren’s body shiver under his. “Eren.” Eren’s eyes are wide, digging holes into his soul. He slowly lifts his hand and touches Levi’s furrowed brow, and Levi relaxes, takes a breath, and says, “Do you want us to live together, after all these half-assed negotiations are over?”

Eren crushes Levi in his arms, and he laughs, loud and free. Levi smiles into the crook of Eren’s neck. Then Eren’s lips are on his, warm and gentle, but his kiss soon becomes something fierce, demanding, so Levi opens his mouth and they are kissing desperately, Eren’s hands clutching at his clothes, Levi’s fingers diving under Eren’s shirt, feeling Eren’s hot, hard body rising and falling under his palms.

They are rolling around in the mud, but Levi doesn’t even realize it. Eren is grasping and pulling at his shoulders when Levi settles between Eren’s legs and feels him through their uniforms. Eren gasps and Levi holds his voice back with a bowed head and a frown. Eren’s hard against him, and Levi’s blood suddenly flows wild with desire. The pressure feels unbelievably good. Their gazes meet and the shitty brat smirks. So Levi moves once, hard. Eren’s back arches as he throws his head back and cries out, Levi’s face twists with pleasure, his mouth opens with a silent moan, and he fears this will end too soon.

Eren’s eyelids are half shut as he tries frantically to move under Levi. He slides his fingers through Levi’s hair, he grabs Levi’s shirt and pulls Levi’s face forcefully towards his. Levi sees Eren’s lust, darkening the bright color of his eyes.

“Levi. Levi!” Eren’s voice is wrecked.

Levi’s lips find Eren’s, he uses his tongue while he moves again, and again, on and on and Eren’s moans are loud, Levi feels them all in his mouth. Levi’s mouth wanders lower, down the tanned, salty skin of Eren’s neck. Levi can feel Eren’s pulse under his lips, beating strong and fast. Eren is shaking, he whispers things like, ‘please’ and ‘finally’ and ‘Levi, Levi’, and when Levi lifts his head and looks into Eren’s eyes, they are large, haunting. The emotions there make Levi’s lips part, and a broken sound escapes.

And then Eren’s legs are around his waist and the heel of a boot presses into his lower back, Eren’s hands are grabbing his ass, pulling Levi’s body even closer. Pleasure so intense runs through him, it takes him a second to realize Eren is shivering underneath him, so Levi keeps moving and forces their lips together, kissing him through it.

When Eren’s body seems to relax, Levi opens his eyes, and Eren is smiling, content, as if he’s the happiest person in the world. Levi’s breathing is erratic, like Eren’s, as he moves and holds himself still above him. However, his body jerks when Eren’s fingers hurriedly fumble with his belt. He tries to speak, but after a few seconds he is exposed and Eren’s hesitant hand holds him. Lightning strikes him. He grunts. His hips jerk forward. Eren’s palm is so hot. His knees almost collapse, but Eren sits up and Levi’s leaning against him, his hands with a bruising grip on Eren’s shoulders.

Eren’s eyes never leave his as he moves his hand, carefully at first and then as Levi groans in bold, abrupt strokes. Levi tries to hold on, but suddenly unbearable pleasure explodes in his body, in his mind, and he closes his eyes and comes with a soft moan and Eren’s name on his lips. As he tries to get his breathing under control, he notices that Eren stares at his palm in fascination. Levi scowls.

“Tch. Wipe it on the grass or something.”

Eren stares back at him. The brat is still smiling. Eren chuckles.

“Levi, you’re the best.”, he says.

Levi’s heart fills with warmth.

 

 

They returned to the Headquarters late at night, dirty, mud everywhere, with Eren half asleep but still smiling like an idiot.

They had months, less than a year, when Levi actually slept naked in a bed with his arms wrapped around a warm, tanned body (not clothed and alone and on a chair, never again). Sometimes, Eren’s body was like a furnace, making it difficult to sleep. Sometimes, he woke up to find Eren’s eyes on his face, and Eren smiled and said things like ‘ _morning_ ’ or ‘ _did you sleep well?_ ’. Some mornings a sleepy Eren would wordlessly push Levi unto his back and slowly lower himself upon him. In his nights of insomnia, Levi would get up in a piss-poor attempt to finish his paperwork, while his eyes wandered across the paper and back to the dark corner of his room. He could make out the outline of Eren’s body wrapped in his blanket, sleeping soundly, sometimes jerking because of the occasional nightmare.

Levi was sated. Happy, Eren would say.

And then Eren was lying sick on a bed while the rest of humanity was free and celebrated and explored the world outside the walls. The council and the people voted for the shifters to be given the antidote. There were protests, people on the streets demanding for the shifters to end this. There could be side effects. And Eren didn’t want to flee as many suggested, he bared his fangs, wanting to take the risk for a world free from every form of titans. Ymir was cured. Eren’s body was weak from his frequent transforming. The strain required for the cure was too much.

And all Levi could do was caress Eren’s cheek with a not so steady hand and change endless stained, soiled, _dirty_ sheets from Eren’s bed with clean ones.

He never saw them as dirty. Eren wasn’t _dirty_. The rest of humanity was. Filthy, selfish pigs. He hated everything, back then. It wasn’t good, but he hated everything with a ruthless, burning rage. He only loved Eren. He still does, and he doesn’t think this feeling will ever fade.

 

* * *

 

 

Levi looks around him. His fists are clenched. He relaxes his hands. He is standing in front of the ocean. He somehow ended up here again. He can hear shouts and laughter from the house, and he is sure that certain brats will soon pester him for stories again. He thinks it’s strange. He has killed, tortured. Many people died, and he survived. He was--

“Uncle Levi come and have breakfast with us!”

Levi was in a state of a peaceful contentment once in his life, when he could grab Eren’s shirt anytime to drag him down for a kiss. Before Eren, he found something similar to enjoyment in things like drinking his tea, talking to his horse, or being in Erwin’s and Hanji’s and his squad’s or few other people’s company. And deep down, Levi knows, there is a similar feeling bubbling inside every time the children call for him. And it is the first thing after Eren he is capable of enjoying.

Levi thinks then, perhaps Eren was right. He almost smiles.

From the first day they met and after all these years, Eren somehow still manages to surprise him. Stubborn brat.

“Uncle Leeevi!”

He turns and walks toward the house.

 

* * *

 

* * *

 

43

Eren wants to go outside, but Hanji forbids it every time they come to check on him. So they are sitting together on Eren’s bed, and Levi stares out of the window. Eren’s head is resting on his shoulder. The fields are ripening. Levi knows the exact moment Eren wakes up. They stay silent for a while, until Eren lifts his head and speaks, looking straight ahead.

“Levi?”

“Yes, Eren?”

“Do you remember what happened right after Historia’s coronation?”

Levi narrows his eyes. “Many things happened. What exactly?”

“You smiled.”

Levi wants to say something, but his mouth is dry. He swallows. “So?”

“So you always went to visit the children from the underground at the orphanages Historia built. All these years. You spoke with them. You-- You even gave them some-- some of your b-books. There was a little girl with b-blond braids, she s-said something and you p-patted her head.”

“Eren…”

“…Ah…Sorry…”

“Don’t be. There’s nothing wrong with crying. There’s nothing-- it’s not something you must be ashamed of.”

Eren tries to catch his breath. After a while he turns his body and looks Levi in the eyes. “You know, I couldn’t take my eyes off of you, then. I even enjoyed watching you talking to your horse.”

“You…Tch. This sounds strange, you know… brat.”

“They will welcome you. They are your family, now.”

Levi’s expression saddens.

“You won’t b-be alone anymore.”

Levi thought himself strong, but suddenly he can’t stand the sight of tears falling from Eren’s eyes. Levi blinks slowly, once, twice. It is not enough. Eren’s hands are on his shoulders, shaking him weakly.

“You m-must promise me, Levi. P-please.”

Levi closes his eyes and frowns.

_“P-promise!”_

Eren cries. Levi hugs him as if he’s clinging to life.

 

 

(In the end, Levi did promise.)

 

* * *

 

Some years go by.

 

One night in Levi’s dreams, Eren is running through wheat fields. His arms are stretched, like a seabird opening its wings. He is running and laughing while Ellen, Marco, and the rest of the children are chasing after him, towards the setting sun. Eren looks over his shoulder, meets Levi’s gaze, and--

 

 

Levi opens his eyes. He gets up, gets dressed, he ignores the kitchen’s counter while he makes his tea and waits for everyone to wake up and join him for breakfast. Jean is typically the second one who will wake. Always complaining about something, be it Mikasa’s opinion to send Marco to the military, or just the bad weather. Ellen usually follows. She met a boy her age at the market some days ago and can’t stop talking about him. Levi hopes in vain that today he will be spared (but somewhere inside he thinks he must get more information about this daring young man, somehow.)

Sasha and Connie are visiting Armin and the others with their whole family, kids and dogs. Erwin might also arrive tomorrow and stay at their neighbors’ house for a few days. Levi wants to ask him about the findings of the last expedition. Shitty glasses’ last letter made no sense. Black and white striped horses. Hanji might’ve even written that on purpose to spite him for not joining them this time.

The day flows normally.

It happens much later while he’s walking outside along the shore, just watching the seagulls fly into the sunset.

After counting days and trying to figure out if Erwin will arrive tomorrow or the day after, he remembers the dream again. And he remembers sitting with Eren on that field for many hours, the day Levi carried him outside. He doesn’t remember what they talked about, maybe stupid things like the shape of the clouds passing by. It was peaceful. Eren then fell asleep in his arms and Levi cried for the first time in years, eyes fixed on the sun slowly disappearing in the horizon.

However, he still remembers many things, like Eren’s awkward first attempt to kiss him, or even before that, in what now seems years and years ago, a time when Eren was only half a head taller than him. He would swear Eren was time and again watching him, so he would sharply turn around to catch a flustered Eren avoiding his eyes. Eren was just a brat who didn’t even know what he was doing, and Levi just never imagined it would turn out like…this.

Eren’s eyes. It was one of the first things he noticed back in that dungeon, and as the years passed by he was mesmerized, how clear they could express Eren’s pain, rage, his fears. His determination, his joy and his love. How his cheeks (and even his ears) would flush when he was embarrassed. How soft and smooth his hands always were, because of his healing powers. How Eren always tried to come up with interesting things to say, even if Levi didn’t mind sitting next to him in silence. His continuous attempts to make Levi smile. The cup of warm tea Levi always found at his table when he needed it most. Levi’s mind is lost in the middle of small things like these, when he suddenly realizes, his steps are unhurried. His shoulders are not that stiff anymore, his face is relaxed. Levi is smiling.

**Author's Note:**

> My first fic! Actually I prefer happy endings but it turned out like this. Hope you enjoyed and ignored my mistakes!
> 
> (And Ellen is a female version of Eren's name. I saw that somewhere, but I still don't remember where...)


End file.
